THE GAME SHOW


I walked in to the lobby to the gym, 10 guys stood there bewildered , not sure what they were doing. About 2 months ago I had responded to a phone call to take part in a sports competition where the prize was $10, 000. It was to be filmed and shown on sky sports in November. I was just told that it involved wrestling one opponent, and the whole fight would be 3 minutes , guaranteed.
$10,000 would pay off my car loan, I thought. Why not?. Just wrestle a guy and that’s it. I’m reasonably fit, I thought, I can do that. I didn’t know there were 9 other contestants, and we’d all been told the same.
We were taken into changing rooms, and briefed.
A weedy looking Woody allen stood on a bench in the changing rooms and started to lecture us
“guys , the game is simple. But the rules are important. We will take you through one by one. You each have 3 minutes, no more , no less. You will stand opposite your opponent about 10 meters distance, the buzzer will sound, and your aim Is to get past your opponent within 3 minutes behind your opponent is a white line. You must cross the line to win. Your opponent will try to stop you, they can do anything to stop you, but you must cross the line to win. If the buzzer sounds within 3 minutes, you’ve lost. Now, I’m going to tell you something ,and you’d better pay attention. You cannot hit your opponent , in any way. No punching, kicking, nothing. You do, your disqualified. That’s essential.”
“NO HITTING, on any account.” he repeated. “ Oh, you must stay within the 2 yellow lines to the side, if you are thrown out or chicken out as some of you might. You are disqualified.” “ If you win, you come back in here, if not you go the back way”
“ Who’s the opponent?” a distant voice at the back shouted towards the front, from a guy who had changed into his shorts already which accentuated his round belly.
“ Your opponent is a Female…..” wolf whistles circulated around for a brief second interrupting the woody allen geek.


“ I said…. Your opponent is a female martial arts expert, she has a 10th Dan in Karate, Take-won do . And does stunts for films”..

There was a complete silence as we looked around. There were mixed expressions. Some where thinking, “ a girl, this should be easy”. “I can’t lose to a girl”. “ Hope I don’t get a hard on” and so on.
The first guy went through, within minutes we heard the buzzer, but saw nothing behind the close thick wooden doors of the gym. This was followed by the sound of a guy charging at full speed and then a terrifying screaming of a female, followed quickly by a groaning male in agony. We heard what sounded like people being thrown about, and screams of a man in pain.
20 minutes had passed and nobody was coming back to the changing room, and next it was me. Contestant 8.
I walked in to the gym. It was large, the camera crew were fixed and ready. Next to the them on a matted floor was a 5’7 very thin blonde girl wearing a karate top , black belt and no bottoms. She was barefoot. She didn’t even look round to see me. This was it? Doesn’t seem that hard. Maybe I’ll get a date later!
“stand on the line” I heard the cameraman shout.
I stood opposite her 10 meters apart. She was gorgeous. How could I describe her, long blonde hair, long thin legs, she stood cocking one leg to the side and both hands on her hips. Who does she remind me of, I know………..Nicole Kidman…that’s who.

She looked at me for the first time, sizing me up. I didn’t seem to bother her in any way.
The buzzer went. I’ll charge at her , I thought, I’ll charge as fast as I can and knock her out the way. As I sped into action my feet barely stayed on the matt, within 3 meters of her she bounced into her karate stance.
Her kick was sharp and precise, you wouldn’t have know what she had done if you hadn’t felt it. I lay on the mat, cupping my groin, face down. My chin smashed into the mat as I fell , but not before being knocked 5 feet backwards and 3 feet up in the air.
She had got me with a snap kick to the groin.
It seemed an eternity to me, I could only think of the pain, it was like all the air had been expelled from my lungs. I could see her feet through my tearful eyes, her feet were almost at my nose. She had nice thin tanned legs and soft feet. Not what you would expect from a warrior. I sensed her circling me without making a sound, much like a shark circling its prey.
She sat beside me positioning her thighs around my neck. They were soft at first , like two warm pillows , but then she tightened her grip. She was trying to knock me out with a head scissor, I thought. I could see her ankles locked together and foolishly wasted 30 seconds trying to unlock them, but they were welded together it seemed. She straightened her legs more and applied more pressure, the more I struggled the more she punished me. I kicked my legs up and down like an insect that had been flipped on its back, but it did no good. I gasped for air, and found my eyes almost popping out of my head as she lifted my head off the matt with her thighs ringing my neck like a wet towel. I was almost limp. Any ideas about wining were gone forever. There were only 20 seconds left, and they went in the blink of an eye. Then it was all over…
I found myself laying in a bed in a tent when a nurse woke me up and asked “Do you need an ice pack for your balls? Or are they ok now”
She had clearly knocked me out , and I just needed painkillers for my neck.
The other contestants apart from one were all in the tent, all with ice packs on their balls. Did I get off lightly?

It was clear to me that all the other guys had the same idea and just charged at her, she got them in the balls and knocked them out. I didn’t take strength , just speed, stamina and precision with her kicks.
After two months the program was on air Vicki, that was her name. She was a bloody champion martial artist. We never stood a chance, it was all to show viewers that a woman can bring down a man in 3 minutes and not get a mark on her. She was being interviewed, she looked hot still in her gi top..
The last contestant beat her and won the prize. I cheered as they said it. He was caught in her head scissor as we all were but he tickled her feet!… It gave him the few seconds distraction he needed to pry her legs apart only slightly and he literally dived over the finish line before she could grab him.

That was all I had to do, just tickle her feet!
What a wally!